What scared the child. How to help your child to overcome fears?
To paraphrase a well-known phrase, we can say that “fear for all ages”. Remember themselves young. Isn’t imagined you in a dark room a scary monster? How could you safely alone to wait out the wind and rain? When a child is afraid of specific things (or fabulous), and tells us about it, we believe that this play of his imagination, exaggerated fantasies. Try to understand, whether so it and how to teach children to cope with fears.
Useful whether fears for a person?
In psychology there is a definition of “fear”. It’s the negative emotion that arises because of imaginary or real dangers. The body remembers the fears as well as suffering and physical pain, but as a rule, fear is felt more acutely.
The power of fear and the resulting experiences are very different in adults and in children. Therefore distinguish between a fear of something, fear, fright, horror. Accordingly, human behavior changes depending on the degree of experiences: some of them want to run away, someone becomes aggressive and protected, someone on the contrary falls into a state of torpor.
Certain types of fears for many millennia helped and continue to help the person to stay alive. And there’s no exaggeration! Yes, fear sometimes save our lives. We have a fear of heights so I do not risk to stand on the windowsill at the open window. We are afraid of depth, so do not rush to swim for the buoys. We are afraid, suspicious of strangers, so try not to walk on unfrequented alleys in the dark.
Different kinds of fears in a child.
Adults usually faster understand what they fear, and more successfully cope with fears. Children can be much more difficult to describe the fear. But caring attentive parents, watching the changing behavior of the child, can easily set that is afraid of the child.
There is even a temporary chain development of different types of fears in children. Presumably, in infants there is a fear to be abandoned, which occurs when children often Wake up at night not to eat, and to check whether the mother is near, to feel the warmth of her body. At the age of 7-8 months babies are afraid of strangers. 2-3 years – the unlit room, the darkness and the dark corners, loud noises, animals.
But fear of darkness and loneliness, in preschoolers is fear of death. Yes, for four years, when the boy finds out where babies come from, he also asks where the “leave” patients and old people. Perhaps in your family has experienced the death of a loved one. Maybe the kid was shocked from the loss of a pet. It is really difficult for a little person to question what death is. Therefore, adults need to think in advance what to tell the child on this subject. Try to be very honest, say simple words and justify your story with concrete examples (plants wither, the dog will not be able to run). From the child still does not understand much, but in any case, discovers that life is the most precious thing he has.
Parents, without even realizing it, you can “inoculate” children fear anything. A simple example. Mother, who saw the usual live frog in the hands of a child (of course, in her opinion, this is the most horrible animal in the world), with disgust and grabs her with perceives face is screaming: “What a nightmare! Come on now! And never touch that abomination!” While the true reason “why not” is not specified, and the child develops hostility and fear to the frog only because mother, the closest person to me, not like this creature, and certainly tells how bad it’s been.
There’s a wonderful proverb: “fear has big eyes”. Of course, use it in a figurative sense when talking about something dangerous, almost insurmountable, but everything is much simpler and is solved too simply.
Because often people’s fears are really large (big, great eyes), and the man is a huge effort of will to overcome them. And it takes a long time. Psychologists know a lot of good advice for parents to children have learned to overcome fears.
Invite a child to “revive” the fear in the picture. Most likely, the baby will not get a specific image, but the colors used by the child when drawing, you can see what exactly is bothering the baby. Then it is desirable to show the drawing to the psychologist to advise on how to defeat this fear.
Try to play “in fear”. Think of a fairy story in which the main character either the kid or his favorite toy. And play scenes, where fear arises, and the hero successfully overcomes.
Well try to “walk blindly” for children who fear the dark. You need to have a child was blindfolded (use a scarf bandage), and the adult or the older children helped to pass around the room or around the house to test independently all the items and “corners”.
Try to make the fantasy of the child “worked on the notion of” the good being, or talisman, talisman, which will help to defeat the evil monster. Remember that fears all children, not just big dreamers.
View with the children cartoon “no scary”. It’s a cautionary tale about the adventures of two brothers who dark night went in search of a beautiful bouquet of flowers for mom.
Most importantly – do not attach the child the nickname “the coward”. We adults often become the root cause of development of children’s fears, and then wonder why it scared the baby to sleep in a dark room, to stay even for a short time one began to stutter or shudder. The fact that children are amazingly closely intertwined reality and unreal. For example, when we read stories to children, violent in content, which have a negative character, the impressionable child this is reflected in the perception of the world. He begins to perceive the fairy tale characters as real beings. Therefore, parents should carefully observe what tales to read to children, “filter” cartoons, TV shows, which the kids can see.